There is something beautiful and true about the idea that positive thinking confers 
blessings, and that shifting our perception is a powerful action that we can take even in moments that feel otherwise beyond our control. Yet, beyond some real benefits, there is an unacknowledged danger to the pervasiveness of positive thinking as panacea. Not only does it lead to the potential fallacy of victim-blaming, but it also deprives us of the fullness of our human experience, condemning a whole range of emotional and mental states that are not expansive and optimistic.
Victim-blaming gets ugly. It could show up as thinking that perhaps you got cancer because you didn’t think enough good thoughts, or that you weren’t able to heal because deep down you really felt sick and experienced sadness. It can also lead us to believe that someone we know isn’t healing because they’re not willing to “think good thoughts.” It’s the psychic equivalent of blaming a rape victim for being attacked because she wore a short skirt.
Just like people who trace the origin of sexual assault back to the survivor’s choice of clothing, blaming yourself or someone else for failing to think positively can be a false form of self-protection. If we believe that positive thinking is all that’s needed to attain perfect health and happiness, then it means that we’re invincible as long as we continue to keep our thoughts on the sunny side. Trouble is, this simply isn’t true.
Life brings both unearned gifts and undeserved challenges. The power we have isn’t in being able to prevent pain and sorrow from touching our lives, but in choosing how to respond to the challenges that come to us. Positive thinking can be a powerful way to respond to painful and challenging situations. But it’s only one strategy, one vital part of a toolkit that includes all manner of practices and ways of responding as our authentic selves. Choosing another strategy, or simply being in a place where positive thinking isn’t available to you or doesn’t feel right is not the same as choosing to remain in a place of suffering, bringing down additional harm upon yourself, or causing illness.
Even more than the power of positive thinking, I have experienced the power of Presence in my life. What do I mean by Presence? It’s a combination of being acutely present with myself in the moment, and being open to the Presence of something larger than myself. Some people might understand this to be God, or a Higher Self, or the Universe. Lately, I’ve been imagining myself lying with my back cuddled up against a giant sleeping bear, which is a very comforting image of protection and love for me. I’m working with being present to my internal state, to the sadness that I feel, and to the images that come forward. If I wished all of this complexity away with positive thinking, there would be treasures that I’d miss.
I don’t harp on “positive thinking” as a strategy for healing. Instead, I encourage you to practice being present with yourself. If a child came to you feeling sad or hurt, would it feel compassionate to immediately tell her to “think positive” and start making a gratitude list about everything that’s fabulous in her life? Sometimes, the first step is just to give some presence and listening to the pain. Once it’s been heard and witnessed, then we can move into deciding what to do about it and how we’d like to respond. Once we’ve had a chance to air our sorrow, it feels wholesome and good to return to appreciation and gratitude.
