When your heart is broken, words aren’t enough.

All the verbal consolations in the world can’t reach the place that hurts when your heart is broken. It’s the conversation itself, not the things your friends say, that soothes a little. It’s the closeness and the care that matters. And when you’re wracked with heartbreak, there isn’t enough conversation and closeness in the world to stitch up the places where your heart is torn, the gaping holes where memory, regret, and sadness keep leaking out.

Ritual and ceremony work on our psyches on a subterranean level. They reach to the parts of you that cannot speak, that cannot be reached by language.

Heartbreak requires that kind of wordless comfort. All the talking in the world won’t knit you back up. When people say that “time heals all wounds,” it’s only partly true. Time itself isn’t a guarantee of healing; it’s just that love, reckoning, and making meaning usually take time. A softening of the intensity of the initial feelings is another gift that time offers us, but we have to choose to accept this gift. There are plenty of people who let their sadness harden into a tight little ball of bitterness, something like a psychic gallstone, only to hang onto it for years. Open your hands and relax your heart. Choose the path of softening.

Think of this video as the conversation that we’d have if we were sitting together after your heart was broken. Let me show you what you can do to take exquisite care of your heart right now, how to use herbs to bring comfort, and how to incorporate music, self-annointing, and journaling to create a complete ritual to soothe a broken heart.